Stage 5: Adjourning

Being on the cheerleading squad while in junior high school was a group that I was involved in that was dearest to me. We were a very competitive squad and won many first place trophies during competitions. We were very supportive towards one another. In fact, we were close like sisters and often had sleep overs at each other's home.

Indeed, both high performing groups and groups that establish norms are the hardest to leave. We performed at a high level and knew that it was difficult to find girls who were dedicated like us. We trusted each other and were always willing to work together to achieve our goals as a squad.

The coach for the squad had a closing ritual. We first had a banquet that allowed our coach to present awards to deserving members. After the banquet, we changed out of our casual wear to put on our uniforms to perform in front of parents for the last time. The last thing we did for the night was prayed with each other, hugged, and cried until we couldn't stop.

I can only imagine that it will be difficult  to adjourn from my colleagues. I have been enrolled in the same courses with most of them throughout my journey and have established healthy bonds. I am sure that we will wish each other the best on our future endeavors.

Adjourning is a very important stage of teamwork. This gives us the opportunity to say our last good bye's to people we have worked and bonded with. It  is also a stage where a group can celebrate or communicate about weaknesses and how to become a better team.

Back and Forth

My sister and I have been arguing back and forth about her enrolling into college. She feels as though college is a waste of time due to having to pay back student loans. She also feels that a degree does not guarantee the job of her choice. My argument is that furthering your education is beneficial. No one could ever take away the knowledge and skills you have enhanced. Although a degree does not guarantee a job, it does, however, allow you a greater opportunity to get a job.

I must admit, we have not communicated about this in a positive and polite manner.


Based on what I have learned this week, there are two strategies that I could use to help me manage our conflict:
1. Be compassionate.
2. Be respectful, reciprocal, and responsive.

Being compassionate while communicating with my sister will enable me to converse without the use of violence and hostile behaviors. My sister will not feel as though she is being targeted and blamed in any way. In addition, being a  respectful and responsive communicator is essential in this case. Great listening skills and the use of positive body languages, eye contact, and gestures plays a major part and should not be displayed in a negative way. I believe my sister will feel more comfortable communicating with me if I am respectful and responsive. I also think that this will build a stronger bond between us. It is also important that our communication is reciprocal. I hope that my sister would return the respect and responsiveness during our interactions.

Colleagues, do you feel that this strategy will define me as a effective communicator? Do you think using effective communication skills will make my sister feel more comfortable and convince her to go to college? How have each of you learned to be more effective communicators as it relates to conflict resolution skills?

Evaluation

 Do we consider how others may view us? Do we assume that they way we view ourselves is the same way that others view us? These are questions that I ponder on often.

When I think about the differences and similarities between how I evaluated myself as a communicator and how my sister and colleague evaluated me, I am most surprised about how they both viewed me as a person that loves to speak out at group meetings. I am surprised because I am not comfortable with speaking in front of a small or large group of people. In fact, I usually sit in the back of group meetings, but I allow my voice to be heard when the opportunity presents itself.

Here are two insights I have learned about communication this week:

1. You never know how others may perceive you as a communicator
2. We decide how we want to communicate with others based on their appearance


Each of the insights bring awareness to my professional work and personal life. It is essential to be careful with verbal and nonverbal cues because others could take it out of context. I may assume that I am a positive communicator but others may perceive me differently based on my attitude and body language. Also, I must be very careful when judging others based on their appearance because this has had an affect on my communication skills in the past. It is important to communicate with everyone with fairness and with a positive attitude.

Communicating Differently

Do you find yourself communicating differently with people from other groups and cultures?

Yes!

I find myself communicating differently with Caucasians. As an African American woman who grew up in a poverty environment, I was told that some whites believe that blacks are uneducated and guilty of being involved with criminal acts. For that reason, I feel that I have to prove that stereotype to be incorrect whenever I converse with a white person.

I find myself to be more of an attentive listener when I communicate with a white person. I also find myself using "big words" that I would never use while talking with family and friends. I smile more than usual because I want to eliminate the assumptions that black women have bad attitudes and are very angry people. I use less humor. In fact, I become a little nervous while communicating with Caucasians because I feel that I have to prove a point; which is very unfortunate.

So, what are three strategies that can help me to communicate more effectively with this race?

*Relax. People can tell when others are nervous. Try to find comfort and refrain from proving a point.
*Use humor. Use humor when the opportunity is presented. Let's face it, we all love to laugh. However, be careful to not offend anyone.
*Stop using "big words." This could really cause friction in communication. I can not assume that all white are comfortable with using these types of words in a relaxed setting. Also, I can not assume that all white people may know the meaning to those choice of words.

I need to relax more, geesh!

Bad Girls Club

A television show that I do not watch is Bad Girls Club. After I turned the sound off, I could tell that some good relationships were established between a few of the girls. They were laughing and smiling with each other. They were sharing food and used calm faces while conversing together in their bedrooms. I could also tell that the group who had a good relationship with each other did not like one of the girls in the house. They were rolling their eyes at the young lady and it appeared that they were yelling while throwing food at her.

I assumed that the characters were hostile and bullies based on observing them torturing the young lady. My assumptions were right as I witnessed three of the girls fighting on her. My assumptions would have still been correct even if I had watched a show that I knew well.  Reason being is that the way people display their nonverbal communication towards each other pretty much sums up the type of relationship they have.

My experience with watching this show was not a good one. I am really surprised that so much violence is being aired on television. I have learned that you can get an idea of a person's character just by watching their facial expressions and body languages.

A Fireman at Work

My boyfriend is a firefighter and is an excellent competent communicator within a particular context. He is often invited to speak at functions, events, and school environments. I have witnessed him communicate with children and teachers in a classroom setting. He was very relaxed and calm while speaking, as he smiled often and used direct eye contact.  He was very friendly and polite and used phrases such as, "that is a wonderful question," referring to the questions that were asked by children and teachers. He would sometimes use humor to keep the children engaged and focused on his topic.

I would love to model some of his communication behaviors. Reason being is that his politeness and friendliness kept everyone engaged on his topic. His eye contact was fluent and made everyone feel comfortable while using a calm voice. He was very professional while communicating with the students and teachers and was an effective listener. The students loved that their voices were heard during the question and answer portion and was even more excited that a fireman was willing to listen.

Professional Hopes and Goals

Being respectful and supportive are the hopes that I have when I think about working with children and families who come from diverse backgrounds. I want families to feel comfortable communicating with me regarding any topics. I aim to build great relationships with both children and their families. In addition, one goal that I would like to set for the early childhood education field is to prepare and train all professionals of the importance to be responsive to diverse backgrounds. It is essential to react swiftly to issues related to diversity, equity, and social justice.

To my colleagues and instructor, thank you for your effortless support. Each of you have influenced me in various ways and I am very thankful to have experienced this course with you. I wish the best for everyone and hope that you will achieve your goals.

Keep this in mind:

"Reach high, for stars lie hidden in you. Dream deep, for every dream precedes the goal." -Rabindranath Tagore

Shine Bright!